Celibacy...

Celibacy: 1) The state of being unmarried, esp. one under a vow not to marry; 2) Complete sexual abstinence.

Those two definitions pretty much sum me up. And I rather like both of them. But I'm going to concentrate on the second definition right now. The first definition is pretty much synonymous with happy and enlightened.

The need for sex is pretty much hard-wired into our brains. Guess is has something to do with keeping the species going. I can't very much do anything about the programs that are hard-wired into my brain. Try as I may to delete them, they are here to stay. So what I CAN do is just not use them. Put them in a folder and file them deep down.

And that's what I've done. And I haven't missed a beat. Of course, its been quite awhile, so the "pains" of celibacy are behind me. And happy about that I couldn't be.

Thoughts on these "pains:" When someone has been in a relationship for some time and then finds themselves alone, the memory of sex lingers. The mind and the body still has physical memory of what the act feels like, and tastes like, and smells like. And both the mind and the body tend to miss these sensations, because, after all, they are quite nice.

But over time, the physical memory starts to fade. And over more time, it disappears. You can remember sex in your mind's eye, but the actual memory of what it feels like is gone. It is in this new state of mind that one is able to live quite freely. Young people go out, go on dates, pursue the opposite sex for the main reason of sex. Why else would you endure so much crap if not for the hope, the chance, of sex? I see it driving most of the behavior of the young these days.

But when that desire is gone, so too is the need to put up with the games, the confrontations, the overall crap that comes with dealing with the opposite sex. If someone never wants to be married, never wants children, and pretty much never wants to have a relationship ever again, then that pretty much kills any need for sex. And as it gets pushed further and further down the ladder of priorities, soon you find that you can't even remember what the big deal was anyways...

So, the more I think about the two definitions, the more I think that they both are just another way of creatively saying: To be enlightened, unfettered and all-in-all happy....

Comments

My love for music

I've been wondering lately which one of my kids is going to catch the music bug. Or if any of them will. I was about 8 years old (Wyatt's age) when I caught the bug. I remember a Christmas around that time when I got two albums, Elton John's Greatest Hits and Neil Diamond's Greatest Hits. I wore those albums out! And my aunt Nan loaned me a stack of albums and said that one day I'd thank her. I can't remember the exact albums, but I know one was Frank Zappa. One was the Rolling Stones. I believe there was a Zeppelin and a Grateful Dead. When I first got into music, it was all vinyl. There was a local music shop in Fayetteville called Paradise Records. They also had tapes. Then one day these things called CDs appeared. The CD section was tiny at first. And my first CD was Huey Lewis and the News 'Sports.' But that section quickly grew and before you knew it, the record section was almost non-existent. We used to go to the record shop all the time. Back th...

Thoughts On Bars and Bartending

Now for some thoughts about bars and bartending, which I did for 25 years. BIG disclaimer: these are my opinion. They're opinions based on a ton of experience on both sides of the bar. But please don't take them as fact. Within the hierarchy of the restaurant, the bartender is right behind the chef at the very top. Both the chef and the bartender are responsible for creating things. Both should be expertly skilled. And both are the reasons that guests come to the restaurant. I got my first bartending gig in 1998. I attended a bartending school which the BIGGEST waste of time and money. I'll explain why shortly. My first gig was at the Angus Barn. I didn't know what the hell I was doing. I had never bartended a day in my life. But their hiring philosophy was to hire good people (which they couldn't train) and then train those good people to do what they needed to do. I was there for two years. I got better with each shift. Looking back I realize that I was awful. A...

At some point recently, the kids and I were telling each other stories. I can ’ t remember who went first, but Wyatt and Pepper each told their stories amid interruptions and corrections and suggestions. Let’s say for the sake of argument that Briar wasn’t talking yet, so it became my turn. Rather than the usual stories of kingdoms and unicorns and the garden variety stuff I usually went for, I decided to pull from my memory of past events. The kids listened in amazement, not really understanding what I was talking about. The story was a hit. And I think I’ll share it with you now. It was the summer of 1993. I had finished my first year of college at The College of Charleston. At the end of summer, I would be transferring to NC State. I enjoyed College of Charleston very much. I loved the 9-to-1 girl-to-guy ratio. It had been a great year. But I had spent most weekends driving up and back from Raleigh to see my girlfriend Marcia. At some point during the year, I had decided...

More Thoughts on Bars and Restaurants

Sometimes it's hard for me to believe that I spent 25 years of my life in the restaurant business, especially now that I’ve been out for five years. I worked at some great places. I worked with some great people. Some amazing chefs. And I had a great time. Most of the time. During my time in the business, I learned the ins and outs of a restaurant and a bar. I even took my knowledge and experience further by attending The Culinary Institute of America up in Hyde Park, NY. But that’s for another post. This post is to share some of my thoughts on the business, as well as some suggestions for how to act in a restaurant or bar. Heed my suggestions if you want, or don’t. It’s all good. But should you try a few of them out, you might just find that your experience was a little better. A little more special. A little more magical. And finally, for those of you who are reading this and are in the business or have been at some point, I hope that this post makes you smile, giggle, and nod ...

Thoughts on depression

I've had depression for as long as I can remember. For most of that time I have self-medicated in one form or another. As I get older, my relationship with my mental health has matured and I find myself looking at it and dealing with it in different ways. And looking back since the days of Covid, I remember the dozen-plus friends that I've lost, though not all of them were from depression, and realize that confronting our mental health and finding a way to live with it is crucial. Through my 25 years of bartending, I came to understand what alcoholism really looks like. I saw it every night and it looked different on every person. What I came to know, to truly know and believe, is that alcoholism is not something that can be determined by filling out some government questionaire. It is an individual disease. What becomes a problem for one person does not effect the other person. I could serve one regular six doubles of Jack Daniels and feel fine with how they were. And I could ...

The Original Blog

Search This Blog