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What's Your Point, Walter?

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By Philip Harmon

WALTER
This was a valued rug.

He elaborately clears his throat.

WALTER
This was, uh--

DUDE
Yeah man, it really tied the room
together--

WALTER
This was a valued, uh.

Donny, the strike-scoring bowler, enters and sits next Walter.

DONNY
What tied the room together, Dude?

WALTER
Were you listening to the story,
Donny?

DONNY
What--

WALTER
Were you listening to the Dude's
story?

DONNY
I was bowling--

WALTER
So you have no frame of reference,
Donny. You're like a child who
wanders in in the middle of a movie
and wants to know--

DUDE
What's your point, Walter?

WALTER
There's no fucking reason--here's my
point, Dude--there's no fucking reason--

DONNY
Yeah Walter, what's your point?

WALTER
Huh?

DUDE
What's the point of--we all know who
was at fault, so what the fuck are
you talking about?

WALTER
Huh? No! What the fuck are you
talking--I'm not--we're talking about
unchecked aggression here--

DONNY
What the fuck is he talking about?

DUDE
My rug.

WALTER
Forget it, Donny. You're out of
your element.

DUDE
This Chinaman who peed on my rug, I
can't go give him a bill so what the
fuck are you talking about?

WALTER
What the fuck are you talking about?!
This Chinaman is not the issue! I'm
talking about drawing a line in the
sand, Dude. Across this line you do
not, uh--and also, Dude, Chinaman is
not the preferred, uh. . . Asian-
American. Please.

DUDE
Walter, this is not a guy who built
the rail- roads, here, this is a guy
who peed on my--

WALTER
What the fuck are you--

DUDE
Walter, he peed on my rug--

DONNY
He peed on the Dude's rug--

WALTER
YOU'RE OUT OF YOUR ELEMENT! This
Chinaman is not the issue, Dude.

DUDE
So who--

WALTER
Jeff Lebowski. Come on. This other
Jeffrey Lebowski. The millionaire.
He's gonna be easier to find anyway
than these two, uh. these two . . .
And he has the wealth, uh, the
resources obviously, and there is no
reason, no FUCKING reason, why his
wife should go out and owe money and
they pee on your rug. Am I wrong?

DUDE
No, but--

WALTER
Am I wrong!

DUDE
Yeah, but--

WALTER
Okay. That, uh.

He elaborately clears his throat.

That rap really tied the room together, did it not?

DUDE
Fuckin' A.

DONNY
And this guy peed on it.

WALTER
Donny! Please!

DUDE
Yeah, I could find this Lebowski guy--

DONNY
His name is Lebowski? That's your
name, Dude!

DUDE
Yeah, this is the guy, this guy should
compensate me for the fucking rug.
I mean his wife goes out and owes
money and they pee on my rug.

WALTER
Thaaat's right Dude; they pee on
your fucking Rug.

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