I can't help but feel pains of nostalgia during the holiday season. I have had some amazing Christmas holidays over the years. I find myself thinking of my EHS days, in particular. We would have crushing exams right before we left for break. And my first year, we were still very much running under the old "rat" system that the school was founded on. The day we were leaving for home, all the new boys on 2nd McGuire had to go sing Christmas carols to all the seniors on the hall, which basically meant that we had to walk into several lion's dens. But more memorable than that was the fact that I was going home to see Alice. We had met over Thanksgiving break, and in one short month I had fallen in love for the first time. This was the first girl I had ever said "I love you" to. We had an amazing break together. I still have a picture of us together during those few weeks together and I cherish that picture like few others.
Another EHS Christmas break was spent with Micki, another girl who I had fallen in love with. I remember that break as being a very rowdy one. And then there were the college Christmas breaks. Lots of Phish shows. Lots of debauchery. Lots of great memories.
But these days the fun is all gone. I have no one special to spend the holidays with. No girlfriend to buy gifts for. And the immediate family has fallen into a noticeable rut. That is not to say that I don't have great time with mom and dad and sister on Christmas. But is really no different than any other day. We all have just let it slide into a very casual holiday.
And I dread New Year's Eve like no other day of the year. It has become the loneliest day of my calendar year. That feeling started in Aspen and has intensified with each passing year. While I loathe the night for its "amateur" status, I still long for someone special to ring in the new year with. I long to have someone special to kiss and the big apple falls. I long to look into someone's eyes and whisper in their ear, "Happy New Year my love!" And this New Year's Eve will be no different. I will be sad and depressed at the thought of entering another year very much alone. And so I say, "It's a lonely ole Christmas........"
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